oh yeah…. christmas

a few years ago, i’d have come straight home from the shops laden down with the perfect present for each of my acquaintances and gone straight to mom’s elf workshop to wrap them up in the perfect paper (snowmen for chubby krista, peach and gold angels for mom, designer stripes for rebekah). and i’d have been up at dawn this morning to start crossing things off The List, my day bounded by the walls of the kitchen and spent listening to Dad’s a capella Christmas tapes on the big black stereo while peeling squash, chopping beans, making pie crust dough, and stirring cranberries. all day we’d cook up Christmas magic, with a brief respite for a lunch of hot pockets; a few hours later, there would be a rush to thicken the clam chowder and toast the grands rolls in time for supper. we’d have to compensate for the leisurely meal by stashing the dishes in the sink and flying out the door to the candelight church service. back at home and clad in our respective sets of jammies, we’d exchange Christmas ornaments and drink eggnog before shooing the younger ones upstairs. for a few years now, kelli and i have been happily conscripted into hauling bags of presents to the living room and arranging them under and around the tree. and then we’ve holed up in her room to talk as only she and i can until we fall asleep.

but this year, it’s all seemed a little trite. which i realize with horror and admit with shame, because it seems an unmistakable sign of grownup-ness. it has nothing to do with undervaluing the meaning of Christmas; it’s the ambience of wonder that usually permeates the entire month of december. maybe if the sky wasn’t gloomy grey and the soggy evergreens were frosted with snow, i’d be a bit more celebratory. as it is, i’ve been caught up with various projects (sorting old recipe cards, updating my photo album) completely unrelated to the holiday.

and you know what? that’s ridiculous. i’m still going ahead with the next thing on my list, because working out is a very appropriate holiday pastime, but after that – it’s to the kitchen. if the best way to be happy is to behave as if you were, then maybe the remedy for yuletide apathy is to don an elf costume.

merry Christmas, every one of you!