what i learned today

1) I like Vogue.

2) When crossing a busy street, you should just walk and not worry about being hit because you’ll …

3) I cannot count.

Elaborations:

1) When it’s slow at work (as it was today), we read magazines. I’ve already memorized four issues of Good Housekeeping, skimmed three issues of Gourmet, and point-blank refuse to touch Forbes orGolf. Our few issues of Vogue have never before intrigued me, but today I sat down with the cover story about Keira Knightley (whose name I envy — double Ks and that deliciously British surname!) and ended up devouring every word of an article on Michelle Barchelet (Chile’s new female president) and then read a thought-provoking piece about breaking unspoken family rules. And then smiled through a snapshot of Lady Gabriella Windsor’s life — she’s thirty-first in line for the throne of England, the daughter of a prince and princess, dating a Punjabi royal, and eighth on a society magazine’s annual “Most Invited” list. Doesn’t that sound fun?

2) That’s what a young businessman said to me as I stood waiting on the corner of the Armstrong Tunnel while car after car turned into it. There was more, but he hurtled directly into traffic — almost getting decapitated by the sideview mirror of an oncoming van — before finishing his sentence. Thirty seconds later, the light turned green and I floated across the intersection without so much as seeing an oncoming sideview mirror, but I really wanted to hear his rationale. Because God loves you anyway so you’ll just go to heaven if you die? Because people are nice and won’t run you over? Because there’s no extra time in the world to stand around and you’ve just got to take chances?

3) Amy, Amelia, and I are moving into our house on the 11th, which I told Nick when he asked about an hour ago. “But what day is that?” he said. I, being unusually sharp today, reasoned aloud: “Well, it must be a Wednesday, because it’s a week from today and today is the 3rd.”

He laughed his I-Just-Thought-Of-Some-Funny-Anecdote-I’ve-Been-Meaning-To-Tell-You laugh. “Yes?” said I. “There are eight days in a week?” said he. I looked at him with a wild surmise, like the fellows on the peak of Darien, who in this instance might have sensed that Nick was not actually some ignorant bloke who’d never laid eyes on a calendar. “No…” He looked at me, just bursting with a Point To Make, but I couldn’t fathom what. With a patient sigh, he explained, “You said” –and proceeded to tell me– “but there are 8 numbers between 3 and 11.” So that I-Just-Thought-Of… laugh was actually a You’re-So-Silly laugh. Clearly, I don’t have them all pinned down quite yet — but this particular mistake I attribute to the fact that, bless his heart, he doesn’t often laugh at me. It was an unfamiliar type, if you know what I mean. What came of this whole exchange is that we’re moving in on Thursday, and that I shall stick to prescribing drugs and let the pharmacists do the counting.

Above: The “That-Is-The-Biggest-Bite-I’ve-Ever-Seen-And-You’re-The-Most-Ridiculous-Girl-I-Know” laugh. But I shoved a giant forkful of salad down the hatch for nothing: he still said he wasn’t grossed out.