nearing the end of august, and much has changed. new house, with its gleaming syrup-colored floors already worn smooth by happy feet. new books, filled with detailed illustrations of bodies, muscles, skin, bone — and one slim paperback whose introduction patiently describes how each person has his or her own health narrative and all medical communication should be viewed in light of that framework. (i smiled patiently back at it.) new experiences of the world, of God, of people, of life. new perspectives on things i’ve done, or haven’t done, and why they ended up the way they did. absolutely everything on my flight from pittsburgh to seattle yesterday reminded me of a dear, dear friend — a vivid dream, references in magazines, overhead snatches of conversation, even one passenger’s face. excruciatingly bittersweet. i wish it wasn’t just a memory.

so anyway, i’m home for a few days, to curl up with kittens and tease james and cuddle krista and talk and talk with mom. is it bad that being home now really just makes me want to have a family of my own? Lord, give me patience, and trust, and dedication to what You’ve called me to now so that when the time comes, i’ll be worthy…