every time i look at the clock and think, “oh, i should probably be getting to bed..” a naughty little voice in my head reminds me that i don’t actually have to be at work tomorrow ’til 10. this is such an astonishing fact that i’ve had to repeat it to myself multiple times this evening. my last rotation was in the emergency room, where i worked 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. (and sometimes later — on one particularly exciting day i stayed until 2 a.m.). my general surgery rotation found me flicking on patients’ lights and whispering an apologetic “good morning” at 5:30 a.m. so i could listen to their bellies and ask all manner of questions about their bodily functions.

but this week i entered the luxurious realm of internal medicine, where the patients are scheduled from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. with some very rare exceptions. there are two other PA students and a pharmacy student, and we all keep busy seeing patients and then presenting cases to the doctor. at any other rotation, presenting cases is an academic endeavor to which conciseness, clarity, and emphasis on pertinent details are key. however, this is not any other rotation. the doctor (also known as His Majesty) wears immaculate pinstriped suits, accessorized by expensive cuff-links and a perpetual grin. he’s from Argentina and has pictures of his wife and children plastered all over the office. he refers to all his students as his “babies” and waltzes into each exam room proclaiming the patient to be “flawless! fabulous! perrrrrrrfect!” with the most dramatically rolled ‘r’ i have ever heard. this is how a typical case presentation goes (rest assured, the name and story are completely fictional):

His Majesty: “Baby Geigerrrrr, you have someone for me?”

me: “Oh yes. Florence Williams, a 64-year-old with no prior history of arthritis…”

HM: “Ahhhhhh, she is perrrrrfect. Let me tell you a story about her. Her husband makes blackberry wine. Deliiiiiiicioso. Have you had blackberry wine?”

me: “No, but it sounds good. Well, she’s been having stiffness and aching pain in her fingers for the last month that is worse in the morning and resolves within 15 minutes as she moves her hands…”

HM: “You see? It is the arrrrrrrthritis. Come, let’s tell her.”

me: “I talked to her about using ibuprofen or some other NSAID….”

HM: “Flawless! Perrrrfect!” [opening the exam room door] “Florrrrence! Sweethearrrrrt! How is your nephew?” [to me] “Her nephew raises dogs with the pedigree, you know…”

his patients love him, as you can imagine. and i love the fact that we all spend the entire day laughing at his antics. and that i now have time to eat more substantial food than lean pockets … and oh yeah, exercise …